I know that jerk was talking about me. I know it. And if he thinks he’s going to get away with this, he’s in for a rude awakening. I know he’s been talking to the watch leader. Excessive use of force. Those damn kids in their hoodies deserved everything they got. Besides, I used a bag of oranges, not a pillowcase full of door knobs.. yet.

I’ll fix him next time. I’ll be watching and recording using the new 8x monocular with a parabolic dish from Brando. I even got a great deal on it, $44.00 plus shipping.

Here’s a friendly reminder that Halloween is right around the corner. The $90 “Zombie of Montclaire Moors” garden statue has actually been around for a little while but you can never get too much zombie-related statue news, am I right?

Designed by British artist Alan Dickinson, this undead lawn ornament will surely keep those damn kids, dogs, and solicitors off your property for good. And that, my friends, is the gift that keeps on giving. Keep in mind, though, that you’ll probably even creep yourself out every time you walk up to your front door on those dark, foggy nights.

And if you have small children of your own… well… I guess if you’re willing to drop almost a hundred bucks on something like this, you can probably afford to pay for a few trips to the child psychologist.

Zombie Of Montclaire Moors [SkyMall]

Thanks to “bigelu” for sending this in.