Wired Top Stories

Paying tribute to the classic Kit-Cat Klock, this updated Homer Simpson version forgoes the wagging tail in favor of animated arms holding a donut in one hand, and a can of Duff in the other. His eyes move back and forth and each arm moves up and down while he contemplates the eternal question of which one he’ll eat first. Powered by 2xAA batteries the Homer clock is available from Perpetual Kid for $29.99.

[ Homer Simpson Beer vs. Donut Clock ]

Record label EMI, which holds the rights to the Beatles catalogue, says the band’s music will not be on iTunes starting tomorrow. (Not that that matters, of course.) It seems EMI is concerned about piracy. I wish I were joking. But then Sky News in the UK supposedly ran a story that said, yes, the Beatles will be available on iTunes starting tomorrow. Our take: chill out. After all, tomorrow is only a day away. We’ll all get the answer then.

And here’s a short clip of Homer Simpson completely no-selling George Harrison:

The end.

By Chris Scott Barr

When I was a kid, I always leaned back in my chair at the dinner table (I still do this, actually). This of course always got me yelled at. Now I wonder, if I were sitting in a chair that had an extra pair of legs for support, would my parents be so upset when I leaned back? I’ll probably never know, but if you’re a youth with $500 burning a hole in your pocket, then you can pick yourself up the Attitude Chair.

Alright, I have to say it. “Simpsons did it!” This 6-legged chair was invented by one Homer J Simpson (and probably a hundred other people). What’s crazy is that Voos Furniture is trying to sell it for $500. It’s just a damn chair with two extra legs screwed! Seriously, if you buy this thing, you must have some sort of brain damage and should not be trusted with this kind of money.

[ Voos Furniture ] VIA [ Crave ]

Taking a page from the Baby Translator invented by Homer Simpson’s half-brother Herb Powell, the $100 “Why Cry Baby Analyzer” attempts to help parents figure out what their wailing bundle of joy is so upset about. While not as accurate as the Baby Translator from the Simpsons (”I have soiled myself… how embarrassing”) the WCBA can apparently detect the following dispositions: hungry, bored, annoyed, sleepy, and stressed.

So does it work? Who knows? One thing’s for sure, though, only the “hungry” setting really necessitates any serious action. If I were a parent, I’d be a bit put off by a “bored” reading.

Oh, you’re bored? You sit around and consume resources all day without recontributing to the family’s economic bottom line. Shall I turn on the Teletubbies for you? High definition or standard?

Oh my, you’re annoyed? I’ll try to be more quiet when getting ready in the morning. You’ve got a long day of crapping your pants and sleeping, after all. My apologies!

Why Cry Baby Analyzer [ThinkGeek.com]

This will go great with my "Simpsons Sing the Blues" cassette.

(Credit: TomTom)

Homer Simpson joins the ranks of Mr. T and John Cleese as a downloadable custom voice for TomTom portable navigation devices. Fans of the longest-running American prime time entertainment series can now listen to Homer “…

Originally posted at The Car Tech blog

Homer Simpson once said, “You tried your best and failed miserably. The lesson is: never try.” Valve must take that second part—“never try”—pretty seriously, since it told some dude at E3 that it has no interest in developing for the PS3. Reason being? It’s too hard. Fair enough.

The full quote, straight from a Valve dev on the E3 show floor:

The PC and the 360 are just more straightforward. We can focus on what we want to do, which is make game experiences, instead of sweating bullets over obscure architectural decisions they make with their platform. [...] I didn’t come into this business in the 90s because of some technical fetish. I came in because I wanted to give people experiences that made them have fun.

Sounds reasonable to me. If Valve can sustain itself developing only for the PC and Xbox 360, why should it knock itself out trying to figure out how to develop for the PS3? It quite literally is not worth the effort.

It’s not my business to tell Valve what to do with its resources, said with an eye toward the ongoing “controversy” regarding Left 4 Dead 2.

Taking a cue from Homer Simpson’s ’speed holes’ Reebok has developed a new bat with something they call O-Technology, which is basically a set of 3 aerodynamic holes drilled into the shaft. The Vector O Bat was designed using computer models and simulations to reduce drag and increase swing speed, which in turn equals more distance on a ball or less force needed to encourage someone to pay back a loan. The Vector O Bat also features Reebok’s “Thread Locking System Connection Technology System” (that’s a direct quote, a system so nice they named it twice!) which results in an extremely stiff piece of lumber err… I mean VR950 Alloy/Composite Performance Matrix. But with a price tag of $279 it’s probably best suited to professional ball players and loan sharks.

[ Reebok Vector O Bat ] VIA [ Uncrate ]