The big TV networks announced their upcoming shows this week and, well, Syfy is now dead to me and no amount of Stargate can restore my faith in the station. Let me introduce to you Marcel’s Quantum Kitchen, which will be just one of the new shows shown on the upcoming Thursday reality block. Zap2IT

Zap2It,

The docu-series by executive producers Kevin Dill and Mechelle Collins will center on Vigneron’s new catering and event company that will combine imagination and culinary arts to create avant-garde delights for picky clients. Some of the inspiring events include a Goth-rock fashion show, a fairytale graduation party and the ribbon-cutting for a subway line.

Yeah, a cooking and catering reality TV show. On Syfy. Who else is eagerly awaiting 2012? It’s probably best to hit the Earth’s reset button at this point.

Maybe someday a human will walk on Mars. The last couple of generations has always told their children that they will be the ones to do it, but we’re still stuck on this planet. Anyway, 6 crazy Ruskies just emerged from a 1970’s Soviet-era testing facility after spending 105 days in isolation to simulate the voyage to Mars. I don’t know why some random Russian government agency spent so much money conducting this probably expensive experiment though. Don’t they get the reality TV show Big Brother over there?

All they had to do is turn on the crappy show Big Brother to find out what happens to people when they are isolated from the outside world and stuck with each other. They fight, throw food, and sleep around. That’s it. Money saved.

I’m mean, this test sounds just like the show.

They are locked in a wacky environment,

The interiors had hatches similar to a submarine’s and were paneled in faux wood according to Soviet style of the 1970s, when the structure was originally built for space-related experiments.

that’s equipped with everything needed to survive.

Common facilities included a gym and a small garden, and the modules were equipped with the new European and Russian exercise and training equipment for biomedical research. The crew also specially prepared meals and used toilets closely resembling those on the space station.

Plus, communication with the outside is limited.

They had no television or Internet and their only link to the outside world was communications with the experiment’s controllers — who also monitored them via TV cameras — and an internal e-mail system. Communications with the outside world had 20-minute delays to imitate a real space flight.

And just like the real Big Brother, they fight and sometimes fool around.

The experiment was the second for the institute, whose previous effort in 1999 ended in scandal when a Canadian woman complained of being forcibly kissed by a Russian captain and said that two Russian crew members had a fist fight that left blood splattered on the walls.

And who says that watching TV doesn’t teach you anything?

[Photo credit: AP]

NBC’s The Biggest Loser, a hit reality TV show that pits real-life overweight contestants against each other to see who can lose the most weight, will be coming to the Nintendo Wii and DS later this year.

The show itself, if you’ve never seen it, runs for about three months with two-hour-long episodes that could be shrunken down to thirty minutes if NBC had anything worthwhile to put in its place. It can NOT, under any circumstances, be watched in one sitting without a TiVo or similar DVR thanks to frequent commercial breaks butt-ended by three-minute recaps of what just happened in the previous segment.

At any rate, fans of the show will enjoy in-game appearances by trainers Bob Harper and Jillian Michaels, along with show host Alison Sweeney. Players will “compete in 4, 8, or 12 week programs against former contestants from the television show, or workout with a friend to form a support system to see who really is The Biggest Loser.”

There’s more:

Players will work-out to a series of structured routines with special weekly challenges, weigh-ins and eliminations, or they can even create their own workouts. Workouts include upper, lower and core body exercises, as well as cardio and yoga exercises. Progress is documented on a calendar that keeps track of in-game achievements, upcoming training and weigh-in dates. Players can also receive credit for any progress made while not playing the video game, such as going for a walk or a bike ride.

A portable DS version is in development, which sounds like more of an add-on than full-fledged game:

When paired together, the Wii and Nintendo DS games become powerful training partners with the Nintendo DS serving as a portable tool that can be used to count calories, as well as serve up healthy recipe suggestions on the go. Players can take their ‘trainer’ with them for food, exercise and diet tips that encourage them to stick to their fitness goals no matter where they are.

No word on actual release dates or pricing for either game. The Wii version is Balance Board-compatible, although the box art says that it’s sold separately so perhaps the Balance Board isn’t required.

Full press release:

THQ Is Weighing-In with the Announcement of The Biggest Loser Video Game Exclusively for Wii™ and Nintendo DS™

AGOURA HILLS, Calif. – (Business Wire) THQ Inc. (NASDAQ: THQI) today announced that The Biggest Loser interactive health and fitness video game is currently in development exclusively for Wii™ and Nintendo DS™ and is scheduled for release this fall. The Biggest Loser video game is based on the highly rated NBC television show and will feature the expertise of trainers Bob Harper and Jillian Michaels who will provide comprehensive workouts and nutrition goals to help players transform their lives through diet and exercise. The video game will also include Alison Sweeney, host of The Biggest Loser TV show. The Biggest Loser video game is being developed and released through a license agreement with NBC Universal Television, DVD, Music and Consumer Products Group and Reveille LLC.
“NBC’s The Biggest Loser show has transformed so many lives across the globe,” said Randy Shoemaker, vice president, global brand management, THQ. “The Biggest Loser video game will help Nintendo players everywhere achieve that same success at home. The video game offers fun, innovative work-out routines and functions as a complete, personalized health and fitness experience, giving players the tools they need to change their bodies and change their lives.”

“The hardest part of getting in shape and staying fit is knowing what to do, as well as maintaining the desire to stick with it,” said Bob Harper, The Biggest Loser trainer. “The Biggest Loser video game incorporates years of research and proven results taken from The Biggest Loser television show. This program offers personalized fitness and nutrition goals to give players the tools they need to lose weight and keep it off. ”

“We are really proud to be able to introduce this video game as part of the great line of product affiliated with ‘The Biggest Loser,’” said Kim Niemi, Senior Vice President, NBC Universal Television, DVD, Music and Consumer Products Group. “This video game presents an opportunity for the whole family to exercise and get fit, while having fun together.”

“The Wii is the perfect video game platform for The Biggest Loser, as it encourages activity and motivation,” said Mark Koops, Managing Director at Reveille, the production company behind The Biggest Loser. “The video game not only offers a really fun way to work out, but it also provides users with an effective weight loss tool to help them meet their personal goals. It is a perfect complement to our existing Biggest Loser lifestyle products.”

About The Biggest Loser Video Game

The Biggest Loser video game is a fun and engaging way for players to get in shape and maintain their ideal fitness. Set at The Biggest Loser ranch, players can take The Biggest Loser challenge and compete in 4, 8 or 12 week programs against former contestants from the television show, or workout with a friend to form a support system to see who really is The Biggest Loser. Players will work-out to a series of structured routines with special weekly challenges, weigh-ins and eliminations, or they can even create their own workouts. Workouts include upper, lower and core body exercises, as well as cardio and yoga exercises. Progress is documented on a calendar that keeps track of in-game achievements, upcoming training and weigh-in dates. Players can also receive credit for any progress made while not playing the video game, such as going for a walk or a bike ride.

The video game also features 50 healthy recipes from the BiggestLoserClub.com and The New York Times best-selling book series The Biggest Loser to help users learn how to eat right for optimal weight loss. Throughout the Wii workout program, suggestions and tips from contestants and trainers will also help guide players as they transform their lives via diet and exercise. The video game also features an interactive calorie counter that tracks what players are eating and recommends their daily intake based on individual goals.

When paired together, the Wii and Nintendo DS games become powerful training partners with the Nintendo DS serving as a portable tool that can be used to count calories, as well as serve up healthy recipe suggestions on the go. Players can take their ‘trainer’ with them for food, exercise and diet tips that encourage them to stick to their fitness goals no matter where they are. To find out more information on The Biggest Loser video game, go to www.biggestloserthegame.com.

About The Biggest Loser

The first reality series where everybody “loses,” The Biggest Loser challenges and encourages overweight contestants to shed pounds in a safe and recommended manner through comprehensive diet and exercise as they compete for a grand prize of $250,000. Hosted by Alison Sweeney (Days of our Lives), the series provides the contestants with challenges, temptations, weigh-ins and eliminations until the final contestant remains to claim the title of “the biggest loser.” Each team works out under the supervision of professional trainers Jillian Michaels and Bob Harper. The Biggest Loser is a production of Reveille LLC, 25/7 Productions and 3 Ball Productions.

Beyond the U.S. where more than 100 episodes of the show have aired, The Biggest Loser has become a worldwide hit appearing in over 90 countries and produced in 25 countries. Since its debut in 2004, The Biggest Loser has grown to become a standalone health and lifestyle brand by developing tools and products inspired by the show and approved by its doctors and experts. Anchored by the online, subscription-based extension of the show, Biggestloserclub.com, The Biggest Loser Meal Plan, The New York Times best-selling books series, best-selling fitness DVD series, a line of appliances, fitness equipment, protein supplements and countless other health and lifestyle based products, The Biggest Loser consumer products program has generated over $50 million in spending with presence at more than 25,000 major retailers to date. The Biggest Loser was recognized as a top brand of the year in Advertising Age’s 2008 Marketing 50. Check out www.biggestloser.com for more information.